Short shorts

Volte face VOLTE FACE I was screaming inside as I cycled behind Jonny today. I didn't think anything could be more horrific than the thought of seeing him in cycling shorts. They're for professional athletes, who rely on their super smooth dynamic technology and air vents, and for NO-ONE else. It's not that Jonny is ugly of body or anything, just that it's not right, spesh when you've got a high rising butt. The long legged fitted gear are somehow fine, the short cycle shorts, not. It's for this reason that I've never suggested he buy any proper cycling kit, for fear that he'd buy the shorts. But with the sun out today, he'd switched his usual jogging trousers for a pair of short shorts. Yikes. The shorts were billowing in the wind, rising ever higher as he bobbed and bounced about on the potholes, blissfully unaware of his rising hemlines. Beware oncoming traffic, you're going to get an eyeful. Bensta, I'm reminded painfully of your ball slips during cross-legged relaxation in the orange shorts. No pic avail :-(

As planned, we stop off at a shop selling exercise equipment. The employee is faultessly helpful and informative, and it's all going very well. Then the boss, a strapping rehead enters. He's clearly perplexed by Jonny's attire, and trying his best to answer our questions sensibly. We're all stood there talking figures, and yet all so distracted by Legs Eleven. Boss, who was sat down, unable to escape from Jonny's legs, battled on with his sales pitch:

"Yes we can certainly discuss these prices... it depends what mood I'm in... if I've got my negotiating hat on (unsettled now), and had my lunch already (trying not to look at the legs) I might be feeling generous."

I had to say something; everyone was thinking 'Why is this otherwise normal looking young man wearing thin flimsy swimming shorts in my face, it's March. I'm not enjoying this, am I?'... So I chipped in: "Yep, so basically, come in just after lunchtime and when Jonny's not wearing short shorts". Phew, the salesman could chuckle at last. Jonny seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, having been a bit confused with the strange atmosphere. I think we'll head to a cycling shop sometime soon. It won't be easy though - he's a defiantly shameless short short wearer. He really really REALLY REALLY really is. As his close male pal, it falls to you to say something, Aleeexxx...