"I am a CUSTOMER, NOT an inconvenience!"

Much amusement at the Bristol branch of The Woolwich this afternoon. Banking hours are laughable, we all know this. What type of business closes at 4.30pm in the afternoon to its customers? So today we turn up at The Woolwich with cheques in hand at 4.26pm, running late, nothing new. We have a system of once-a-week-bAnking, getting there as late as possible in order to a) have some semblance of a normal working day, and b) piss off the bank staff. Today they thought they'd had the last laugh, as the doors are locked when we arrive. I don't have my watch on, am irked that the doors are locked, assuming they've closed at 4.30pm on the nose, probably a minute earlier, but how to prove that?

Jonny though, has his watch on. His watch is 5 mins fast and it's showing 4.31pm so he *knows* the lazy sloths inside have closed early. Now we're mad. Jonny starts knocking on the door and ringing the bell. He's not giving up. Then he starts pointing to his watch and banging (the door) a little. "I'm know it's not 4.30, I *know*. I've got a right to get in here until 4.30 on the dot". The staff inside seem to be scurrying into back rooms, scared of what this man with the big hands gesticulating wildly outside might do.

Amazingly the Chief chief in the branch marches over to the door and lets us in. "I'm sorry Sir... we appear to have had a problem with our clock." Ha ha ha. Likely story. Back in the day job, when, inconceivably, I was awarded the title of 'Head of IT' for my ability to find the 'Task Manager', I abused my posn. by regularly moving everyone's PC clocks fwd just a little. The golden rule of taking the piss is: 'Don't take the piss', and The Woolwich wenches had gotten greedy with the clock. The clock cheating cover-up was farcical. They'd hastily taken the main clock off the wall and the Manager was heavily beaded with panic sweat, ordering a young boy to remove the other clocks. The lad look confused, probably because he'd been sent around earlier in the day to move them all forward.

Manager: "Oh I'm sorry, we usually check closing time with the Talking Clock, but today we forgot". Yeah yeah, your in-branch clock skipped 5 mins in one day did it? Wow. As we banked, the cashiers got a cute little telling off by their manager who was reminding everyone that, had they not discovered the inaccuracy, this man banking his cheques "...could have reported us to Head Office"... Jonny simpered, unconvincingly: "Ohhh Iiii'd *never* have done that". Yes we would.
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