I sometimes wonder if the population is not in decline, owing of the sheer amount of people who have (hush) 'deaths in the family' meaning that they can't dispatch their goods on time. One man wrote me a lengthy missive explaining how his Grandparents had been involved in a suicide pact attempt, and that medical staff were restricting access to the shed where he kept his goods.
Another time, I was sobbed to by a vendor in Idaho that his Aunt had gangrene in her feet and was having them removed, preventing my ear plugs from being parceled up. (Possibly he was abusing her lower dexterity?) The close proximity of ear toys and rotting flesh lead me to cancel the order, on the strict proviso that Jonny promise to stop dreaming about me, aloud.
Then there was the American dentist, who had performed a subsequently libelous root canal and had forgotten to order his stock of toothbrush heads for his 'shop'. (Like he forgot to clean his dental instruments?) I have since changed my ebay settings to buy from Europe only, where less people are suffering for my consumerism. Mind you, this just in today, apologising for the delay of some garden equip:
Hi
Sorry I was away for some time. I asked my wife to send them and she couldn't even do that.
I will send them today or tomorrow morning.
Please accept my DEEP apology.
I love the way people bitch off their wives and husbands to perfect strangers on email. I once sold a red dress for a friend and the man buying it commented that whilst he was happy to do business, his wife was no Lady in Red, and he wasn't at all sure why he was bothering to truss her up. Also, vizzavi my garden equipment, I am not so sure a 'DEEP apology' is quite called for. The item was a hose pipe. We might become the next ebay casualties.
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